Dear Myself

I have grown into a better person that will not make anymore mistakes with life. I have grown because I wanted to, not because society wants me to. I am mature for my age because I stand for what is right, and bring down what is wrong. I tried things once, and some things I let go, and some things I just can't stop.

I drink, but only on certain circumstances. I do not drink to get drunk, but I drink to get a buzz and then I am done. I have made a mistake where I got really wasted one day, and no one stopped me from drinking. I cannot hold my alcohol, as I understand, and when there are one too many drinks in me, I can either black out or vomit my stomach out. There are people that know who has seen me that way, and I will not let that happen again.

I smoke, and I cannot stop that. I admit that I am a smoker, but I know that I can quit. I was introduced to smoking a year ago, due to an old attraction I had with someone. He told me not to, but it was not fair that he could smoke and that I could not. It is my life, and that is how I live it.

I did take a hit of weed once, but it was not too much. I cannot say that I liked it, but I did not do too much to get high. That is something that I will think about, but I will probably drop it in the future when I have my life straightened out.

I stole things, and that is a mistake. I learned my consequences, and I will not do it again. I slap thoughts out of my head about stealing, and I live every day wanting to steal. Though what can I do? I tell myself no and move on with life.

I had my share of relationships that brought me to understand the good of having them, and the bad of having them. I thank a few certain boys that helped me mend my life; Chris, Jay, Kelvin, Kris, and Ray, I thank you all for being there when I needed it. I thank you all for helping me out with things. I don't talk to any of you that much anymore, but just know that I am thinking of how great everyone of you helped me.

Now that I am growing and realizing my life, I figured that I need to move on and just go with the flow of things. Do I see myself as an adult? Yes, I do. I make the right choices, and I need to keep on doing so. I need to be in a relationship that will grasp my attention, and I need a guy that will tell me "no" when I do something bad.

I want him to tell me that I matter to him, and that he does not want anything to happen to me. I want a guy that will be there when I need him, when I need to talk to him at three in the morning. I want to spend countless hours with him, and make every minute count. I need a guy that I can laugh with, and he picks on my flaws so I can realize them so I can be a better person. I want a guy to call me before I go to bed so he can tell me about his day, or just make me laugh before I sleep.

Now, I am not looking for anyone. I have my mind set on one man right now, and he does a lot to keep me interested in him. At least once a week we talk about things that matter, and then we goof off. Even if he is far away, I feel so close to him.

I will be leaving San Diego in the next 12 months, and I am going to miss it here. I will be going to college in a different state, and I will be closer to said person I described above. He will make me realize what I do not need in life. I do not need the alcohol, I do not need the drugs, and I do not need the smoking. Just having him in my life will give me enough support to live on and do good with life.

So, when I leave here, I will remember a lot that has gone on with my life. I just need to get out of this place, out of California. I will miss my family, but this will be a better thing for me. I will be happier, and when I come back, there will be a lot of stories to be told.

Life goes on, and things happen for a reason.

Love thy self and keep on moving forward.